Don't Be Pushy

The Trouble with Perfect
by Elisabeth Guthrie and Kathy Matthews

I agree with nearly everything in this book, and it was an easy read (a plus with a toddler in the house), but I'm still not sure if I want to recommend it. Why? Because it just makes sense, so you shouldn't need to read a book like this. I guess most of our friends don't fall into the crazy $30,000 a year preschool or life is over group, though we certainly ran into people like that in New York.

Let me sum up the book for you:

1. Don't be pushy - in sports, academics or other activities. Let kids do what's enjoyable and let them quit if it's not fun anymore. (Except the piano. I'm bound and determined Caleb will learn to play. He doesn't have to do any recitals and never has to tell anyone, but I think it'll be good for him, and all the other kids we have. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I always wanted to take piano lessons and never had the chance...)

2. Instead of signing your kids up for swimming (or soccer or baseball or softball), consider playing pick-up games with them instead. Good exercise for everyone and the kids will probably enjoy it more than organized sports anyway. Kids love to spend time with their parents. And parents shouldn't be afraid they don't know enough to share. (No offense to those teaching organized sports. I'm sure that's great, too. And we signed Caleb up for swimming lessons, but at his age we had to go. And we learned lots of things that we can do with him in the water without the class. He loves it.)

3. Realize that Mommy and Me classes are for Mommy, not the baby. There's nothing wrong with these classes, but they are not required (or necessarily even helpful) for baby's development. There may, however, be real benefits to giving Mommy (or Daddy) a reason to get out of the house and socialize with other parents.

4. Be realistic about giving your kids medication. Some kids need it, but a lot of kids are just more active or more creative than their classmates. Should they really be medicated for being themselves?

5. Ivy League college does not equal life-long happiness. Find a balance between encouraging academic and collegiate goals and helping kids understand there are some tremendous colleges out there that aren't in the top 20 of the Newsweek rankings. Josh and I both loved Dartmouth, but we recognize that it's not the place for everyone and that many other colleges can offer a great education. This one is a little easier for us than you might imagine since Josh will probably be a professor. That means, our kids are going to school where they receive free (or reduced) tuition or they're paying for it themselves. Sorry, kids, that's life. (Usually, they have many choices. We won't force them to go to the college where Josh teaches.)

6. Don't lie, cheat or steal to help your kids get ahead. They'll know it. It sets a bad example and undermines their confidence (in themselves and in your love for them). Plus, it's wrong.

I'm sure there are a lot of other little lessons that might be helpful, but these are some main points. If there's anything above you didn't already know, go ahead and read the book. Otherwise, go play with your kids.